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Black and White

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Black and White Empty Black and White

Post by FrozenFire Tue May 17, 2011 10:04 pm

...for lack of a better title -_-"

I'm going to attempt to actually finish a story (something that continues to elude me) and I'm looking for these specific things in critiques:
  • What needs more detail
  • What needs less detail
  • What seems rushed
  • What carries on too long
  • What dialogue needs to be fixed
  • Anything else you'd like to add


Chapter one for this story is still in the making, but I do have this little blurb about the world it will take place in:
Spoiler:
I'd like to know if anything seems too confusing here ><"
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Post by Nightclaw Tue May 17, 2011 10:17 pm

How can the characters know a cult is rising if they haven't actually done anything yet? Are they suppossed to just be recruiting?
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Post by FrozenFire Tue May 17, 2011 10:29 pm

Well, it's not that they've done any definite "bad" things yet, but a cult can form and still be known. During the beginning of the story, they'll be recruiting and they'll be doing some weird stuff (I don't want to give too much away). When I say "rising" I mean, "its becoming larger" and such.
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Post by Nightclaw Tue May 17, 2011 11:15 pm

Ah.
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Post by FrozenFire Wed May 18, 2011 10:06 pm

Chapter 1
Spoiler:
Sam might seem a bit OoC at the end here, but he'll return to his normal cynical self in Chapter 2...
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Post by lucky333123 Thu May 19, 2011 1:21 am

I like your writing style. To me it is easy to follow.
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Post by FrozenFire Wed Jun 15, 2011 2:18 am

Sorry this is so late, guys. Work has been kicking me in the soul D;

Spoiler:
Not much action here for now, but the next chapter should be interesting.


Last edited by FrozenFire on Sun Jun 19, 2011 11:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Nightclaw Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:38 pm

Interesting. I can get it better now.
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Post by FrozenFire Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:00 pm

Question: why is the word "cr@p" censored in my story and yet the word "damn" isn't? That seems a bit strange to me seeing as cr@p isn't actually a swear :\
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